Christmas isn't chrismas without a drunk grandparent.

Hello readers. It's been 9 days since I updated but I purposely left it so that I can blog a fair bit, rather than 2 posts about not very much at all...

So we will start last saturday, when a whole host of the regular crowd went up Solihull. lank gave me and Dan a lift and we were in Rosie's (yes, I know it's chav central but thats where everyone decided we go) for 7:30. We met up with Jason and Gemma and started drinking without the others (well, it's what they would have wanted!) As the doors opened, we moved up to the Club... Loft, no Loaf, no wasn't it Bread? then it was Reflex at Loft, or was it Bread at Reflex?.... Actually it's now "Pop World"... Joy! (<-- sarcasm) Soon after we got there, Mark and Kate, Mattew and Naomi, and Benji and Katie turned up and we gathered at a table in the chavvy bit. It didn't take long for me, Jason, Gemma, lank, and Daniel to go off in to the '80's part and were bopping along to all sorts of classics. At one point we got hold of a set of comical glasses...

... Yes, dear readers... I have photo's...

Mr B. has always been an Elton fan... Now he's started copying his style!

Lank in full bop'!

At one point, they started playing 50's style Rock n Roll and so I grabbed Kate for a quick spin on the dance floor (bet you didn't know I can rock n rol did you readers? Well I can, sort of, thanks to expert tuition by Donna, ages ago!) At the end of the evening we all went our seperate ways, and I was home for about 1:30am...

... Ready to wake up at about 10:00am Sunday morning, where I spent ages wrapping everyone's Christmas pressies. I made a promise to myself that I would try and be organised this year, and I think I have been. I had a lazy day Sunday because I had to travel to Droitwich in the evening for a works Christmas party at a member of staff's house. Getting there is a story in it's self...

I set off at 6:30pm with my route written down and got in to Droitwich centre no problem, but then things started to go wrong... Now I don't know if you have ever been in to Droitwich, dear reader, but if you ever do then there are three oddities about the place you should know...

1. Street names are no not visible from the road, until you have past the junction
2. All road signs indicate every place in the universe, exept the place that you are going
3. No houses, at all, ever, in Droitwich, display their house number

Now because of those 3 little things I got hopelessly lost and was driving around in circles. Finaly I admitted defeat and parked up to call Richard (who's house it was) for directions. I called up his number on my phone and pressed "dial"...

.... *Beep beep* "the number you have dialled has not been recognised..."

"doh!"

I tried again...

... *Beep beep* "the number you have..."

Oh bugger! I had to phone Sally (head of Art, who lives in Droitwich) and ask her for directions. Fortunately she knew where to go and i got to the correct road in no time...

... But then point number 3 came in to play... which blasted house!? I started counting the houses and got to the one I thought was correct. there were a few cars outside it, so I knocked on the door. Success! It was the right house so I went in, and joined some of the other staff from school who were already enjoying the home made curry that was laid out for us. We all had a good time, and at one point the karaoke machine was bought out for a go. I didn't sing as I would have probably bought the evening to a premature conclusion. After the food, music and chit-chat it was time to leave, at a rather modest 10:30. I got home with no problems and watched a bit of Top gear before going to bed.

Monday and Tuesday at work were just 2 days of DVD's in lessons and not doing any work... I wil skip to yesterday, which was a bit more fun. there were no lessons, just an assembly for each of the 3 houses, (Brindley, Lanchester, and Cadbury) and then just dossing about in forms watching films. We played the year 10's Shrek and then put Peter Kay on. At lunch time we kicked everyone out and had a staff lunch with just the arty people and a few select members of staff. Elanor had bought me a christmas present and I was instructed to open it... She had bought me some racing grannies! I set up a race way (using tape and sugar-paper!) and we had a few races over lunch. At 2:00pm all the kiddies got to go home and it was time for the usual party in the staff room. we had speeches for staff who were leaving, and decided that after the speeches we would go up to the Packhorse. We were there for about 3:30pm, and left at 5:00pm... Unfortunately we were all driving so we couldn't get mashed anyway, but it was still fun.

I went home to get ready for the evening because Me, Donna, Donnas parents, Lank, Daniel, Lanks friend Jo, Jason and Gemma were all off to the NEC for Jasper carrots Rock with laughter Christmas tour...

We arrived at the NEC for just after 6:30pm with the intent on meeting people in the main entrance. This went to pot when we realised that the arena was too big to meet anyone, with all the people walking round. We met up with Jason and Gemma by the staris to the seats so we went in and sat down. a few minutes later, Lank, Jo, and dan joined us, while Neil and Maggie were seated over the other side of the arena!

The warm-up act was a geordie with a guitar... He was singing a song called "everybody wants to be a bear" while people were still being seated. Quite funny.

When the lights dimmed, Jasper walked on and did a turn, and introduced the first act, an Abba tribute band called Bjorn Again who were quite good, then we had a turn from Lenny Henry, Journey south (those two from the X factor) the Royal Ballet, and Jimmy Carr. After the interval we had more Jasper, plus a suprise guest Ben-thingy-whatsit who was voted off X factor, Jethro, Roy Wood (who was playing with his Rock and Roll band, and finished off with "I wish it could be christmas every day") and the show was topped with Suzi Quattro, dressed in a leather cat suit and not looking a day over 50.......

... yes, you can imagine it, can't you...

After the final encore the lights went up and we started the long walk back to the carpark. Neil and Maggie were already there and me and Donna dived in because by that point we were freezing! They dropped me home where I made myself a hot drink before going to bed...

All in all a fantastic night was had by everyone. (I am definately going next year!)

And so that is where I will leave you dear readers. If I don't blog before, Have a very Merry Christmas, and a fantastic new year...

TTFN

'tis the season shops raise prices, fah-la-la-la-laa, la-la-la-laaaa.

Hello readers. It's the 10th of December, my christmas decorations aren't up and I've done absolutely no christmas shopping...

... Yes. I am a man...

...Right, on with the blog...

...Um... Actually I don't have much to blog about so I will randomise and think out loud for a bit. (just like my very first blog says! Go on, have a look if you don't believe me.)

Right, well, I suppose I had better make this random jumble of words into something you can read...

Ok, well at the moment I am selling the old camera I found in the stock room at Woodrush on Ebay. The money it sells for will be used to part-fund a staff meeting. (For those of you who aren't up to speed with the lingo, all staff meetings involve alchohol!... In fact, do you remember all those "staff training days" that the staff used to have at the end of half term? well they are basically a big free lunch, and more wine, beer, and cocktails than anyone could imagine!) I hope it makes a good price, it is only the second item I have ever sold on Ebay. The first was my degree piece (the furry car) but no one actually bought it.

On Friday (I'll just skip to the weekend) Me, John, Marcus, and Jenny went ice-skating in Solihull. We got there for about 7:30 and dived straight on to the ice. I had to swap my skates after about half an hour because the left one was digging in to my shin. It's remarkable, because I have the same thing happen to my left ski boot, unless I store it properly with the straps tightened to hold the inner boot in place. But the skates were changed and I got a new pair from the girl behind the counter. I wanted to have a real good go but being a Friday it was packed with chavs and people who can actually skate. I'd like to go when it's quiet so that I could practice a bit and have a real good go because I imagine it's really good fun if you can do it well.
After a couple of hours sliding along the ice, we left and went for a chinese. Adam joined us for some grub and we ate until we were bursting, which is what most people do when they eat chinese. We got home for 11:30pm and I dived in to bed, since skating and chinese food is the best combination for tiring people out.

Um... Other than that, the only other thing that has happened this week was yesterday evenings frivolity in Wolverhampton. Me, Jason, and Gemma went to see Adrenaline at the Little Civic. We got there for about 6:50pm and had a drink in the downstairs bar. At 7:30pm we went upstairs where the stage is and the first band (who were shit) came on a little while later. When they had finished bawling and jumping around the stage, they fucked off and let the second band have a go... They were better. And then at about 9:30-ish Adrenaline came on and played through until 11:00pm. When it was time to leave, we dived in to a cab and set off for home. £35 from Wolverhampton to Birmingham isn't a bad price, split 3 ways it worked out quite reasonable. I was home for 12:30 and dragged my self off to bed since I was partly inebriated by alchohol! Actually, as i sit here typing this, the effect of last night hasn't quite gone yet, which would explain the lack of detail, humour, or continuity in this passage of writing...

In fact since I have covered the basics, I wil leave it there readers. I'll quit while I'm ahead.

TTFN.

It's OK, stormtroopers can't shoot for shit, anyway.

Hello readers. 'tis time for some blogging...

At the end of my last blog I promised you a Gallery for ladies evening, and, true to my word, here it is...

I mentioned that Father was part of a drag act on the evening... Well here's the proof! He's the one on the right! (shameful... Just shameful)

This is a photot of a photo. Me and Jenny in our masks.

These next few are off Selenas camera. Me and Jen' at my dad's house waiting to go.

Me, Selena, and dad

Dad and Selena at the table

There we go readers. All Good... Now I can get on with this weeks blog! Last weekend was James birthday and he had his party at Wythall House. I arrived there at about 8:00pm and within half an hour the buffet was served... Which was good because I was starving. The disco started and spent most of the evening playing songs from way before any of us were born...

I have a photo for you all to enjoy...

Jenny, Julia and Lee gawping at a camera... By the look on Julias face, the picture they are looking at is pretty shocking!

ha ha! Anyway, after getting slighty merry and doing a few rounds of heluium, we all left at around midnight. I got a lift with Kate in her new Toyota Yaris... But thought it was a Peugeot... Oops. I got in and went to bed ready for the Sunday...

Because Sunday was... MEMORABILIA! woohoo!

I went to get John and shot over to Adams for about 10:00am and we set off for Marcus's house to get him and Jenny... The problem being that they were all the way back at Jenny's house... So we agreed that they would meet us at the NEC. We eventually got there for 11:00am and was in the exhibition for 11:30am. As we went in we saw the Tardis and a couple of Daleks, then went over to the new section that housed most of the famous people. I nearly walked in to Toyah Wilcox trying to get a glimpse of Lady Penelope's Rolls Royce... which was rather Fab' (hey-hey... Fab "FAB 1" get it? did you see the clever thing that I did there?)

Ahem...

We walked round for an hour, looking at all the collectors selling their junk for lots of money and looking at all the famous people... I walked up to David Prowse (Garth Vader meets Darth vader!) but he bored me so I walked off. I caught the eye of "Smokin'" Joe Frazier but couldn't speak to him because of the queue for his autograph. I wanted to walk up to Leslie Philips and introduce myself by going "Well, helloooh'" (his old catch phrase, for those who don't know who he is) but refrained from it as he might have got a bit annoyed... Walking round I noticed there was lots of Bond memorabilia due to the release of Casino Royale. I then heard the unmistakable sound of gunfire, coming from the back of the hall...

... It was an indoor shooting range! Replica weapons, powered by gas, firing rubber bullets...

... I had to have a go!!!!!!

I paid a bloke dressed like Bond for a go with a Sig Sauer pistol... And this was the result...

Check out the bullseye! He was actually impressed with my grouping. At a range of 50 yards most people apparently have trouble firing pistols unless they have been trained how to shoot professionally.

After walking back round and stopping to get a drink (where I saw Danny John-Jules ((the cat from red dwarf)) walk past the bar) I went back because I wanted a go with an assault rifle.

And this is the result of that little encounter...

Yeah, I'm pretty impressed with that. Obviously the rifle was a lot more stable than the Sig' I had a few shots on Semi' and then flicked it over to automatic and emptied the clip in sustained bursts of gunfire. The recoil wasn't really an issue due to the weight of the gun and it was comfortable to fire.

We left at about 4:00pm and everyone came back to my house for a bit before grabbing some food and heading home, while I went down to my nans for tea as usual.

... That concludes last week... I suppose I should blog right up to now... So I will...

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Yesterday were all boring. Nothing happened except that yesterday evening I went out with Katie, Jason, Gemma, Jenny and Marcus to the Barn in Solihull for a drink... Then I came home, went to bed ansd got up this morning and went with selena to the Snowdome because she wants to buy some snowblades for Skiing next year. Unfortunately, the Snowdome charge an arm and a leg for snowblades (still I suppose if that was the case, you'd only have to buy one!) so we called in to Widney Sports for a look at some cheaper ones. She still didn't get any though so I suppose it was a wasted trip... Ah well, it got me out of the house for a couple of hours...

Anyway, I am going out in a bit... So I wil sign off

TTFN readers.

Have you ever turned up to a party only to find out that everyone is wearing the same suit as you?

Hello readers. It's time for another marvellous update. Now I know I always blog things during the week first, even if the week hasn't yielded anything too interesting, but not this little blog! I'm going to forget the past week all together and concentrate on the weekend...

(Because that's where the fun started!)

Ok... Friday evening. It was Selena's 21st Birthay party at the Red Lion in Kings Heath. I had been with father earlier on to set up the baby photo's of Selena which I had written a few captions for. I had come back, got changed, and was ready for when the taxi picked myself, mum, Kieron, and Selena for 7:00pm. When we had given the Taxi driver EXTENSIVE directions on how to get there, we set off for the Red Lion....

... In Earlswood.

After telling the driver he was heading in the wrong direction, he turned round and we set off for the correct pub. When we got there, Dad was already there with my nan and my Auntie Jill and Uncle Alf'. Adam turned up a little later and by about 7:45pm the room was filling up nicely with people from PD Architects (where Selena works) plus friends and family.

The disco started at about 8-ish and the buffet soon followed. (Cheese and pineapple, anyone?) There was much merryment to be had by all and I must confess to having a dance or two myself. Whilst on the dancefloor I whipped the ol' camera out for a few pics'

Selena trying to encourange my nan on to the dance floor...

... Which she did, and this was the result! My nan loves the Scissor Sisters! I reckon she would gladly go and see them live if Selena had offered.

Towards the end of the evening, at about 10:30pm, It was time for the cake-cutting. You remember the cake, don't you? if not, scroll down to the previous blog and read it. The musical photoshop trickery picture looked good on top of the cake. In fact I was going to ask that Selena not slice through it! That was, of course, impossible and so it was diced up and fed to everyone... Just think, a piece of artwork I created has now been shat out of the arses of 80 people... God, how I'm proud of that.

I took a quick piccy of Selena about to cut the cake though...



Quite a nice pic' with everyone in the background. Unfortunately I forgot to take a photo of the cake whilst it was still intact... Sorry.

At 11:30 everyone started to leave, and we had to get the remaining food from the buffet (of which there was quite a lot) home somehow. It was eventually packed up and the load split between my Grandads car and my dad's. After everyone had gone we too made haste for home. We got back at just gone midnight. I dived in to bed almost immediately as I was knackered (all that dancing did me in, you see...)

Ah... Saturday. I woke up at about 10:00am and did the usual thing... Brekkie, Xbox, Wait for Nan and Grandad to come round etc etc...

... In fact sod it, I'll cut to the chase...

At 6:00pm Jenny turned up in her best dress ready for Ladies Evening at the Chateau Impney in Droitwich. Mum took me, Jenny, and Selena down to my dad's and we had a drink there before we set off. The taxi came at 7:30 and we, along with my dad's next door neighbours (from both sides!) joined us and climbed in to the minibus. We all had our masks with us and we were at the Chateau for about 8:00pm where we were greeted and given a glass of Bucks Fizz. After an hour in the reception area, greeting all my dads mates, and being introduced to people I didn't know, the main doors opened and we were lead in to the grand hall where we stood at our seats and had to "greet the top table, in the traditional fashion" Problem... I had never been before and no one had mentioned what the "traditional fashion was" then everyone started hitting the tables in unison...

Dum. Dum. Dum. Dum...

And the hosts for the evening entered... You could tell that my dads mates were part of the organising though. As well as all the mandatory dinner suits, ceremony and the tradition, everyone was armed with a pea-shooter and lots of ammo! (no, really! I still have mine!) It was fab. We had a mini war going on with the table opposite us at one point!

After everyone was allowed to sit down, the meal began... First, the appetiser course: salmon with cream sauce and mint... Very nice... Then the soup course: minnestroni with croutons, and garnish... Again Lovely. The main course: rack of lamb with full veg' and gravy... I was starting to get full by this point... then dessert: vanilla cheesecake with fruit... Ok, now I was full. Then we had the cheese/biscuits brought round (well, you can't say no to a bit of cheese!) and finally coffee and biscuits. that counted as a 5 course meal and i didn't leave a thing on my plate! (I just wanted as much posh-nosh as I could eat!)

After more pea-shooting we noticed that father, along with the skiing gang, had mysteriously disappeared. Now I have heard the stories about random things happening every year and this year was no exception! The act was introduced as a "Tiller Girl" act and the curtain on the stage went up... To reveal the skiing crew in leotards and pink wigs dancing to some god-awful music...

... Oh my god how i am now traumatised!

Naturally there are photo's but blogger is being a bastard at the moment and won't let me upload any more piccies. I will blog them later.

There was much frivolity and antics, including a version of Deal or no deal on stage (Noel Edmonds not included.) Selena was among the second batch of people to go up and won 50p! hurrah! Everyone then jumped on to the dance floor for the disco! After dancing to all the disco classics, the night was rounded off by a slow-one, and me and Jen' had a dance... (Actually, she isn't half bad at it!)

The time to go home came though and we were in the taxi for about 1:15am. It dropped me and Selena off first, leaving everyone else to be deposited en route back to Kings Heath where I assume Jenny was the last person to be dropped home.

My tux' is now hung up for next year when I will definitely be going again.

Well thats about it for now, readers. I will give you all a "ladies Night Picture Gallery" when Blogger sorts it's self out.

TTFN readers!

And don't forget the joker!

Hello readers. Time for more fun and frolics in this weeks update! I will start precedings from last Monday since that is when I last blogged.

Last Monday evening Myself, John, Marcus, Jenny, and Adam went to see Saw III in Solihull. if you were a fan of the first one, and not to hot about the second, then the third goes some way to replenish the faith in the franchise. It doesn't bother with overly-complicated routines, and just goes for sheer gore factor! The storyline isn't bad either, with clever twists at the end and a grande finale of a scene that rounds off the trillogy nicely...

... Sorry, I appear to have turned in to Barry Norman...

The original is still my favorite though, merely because it is so clever.

As we were walking through Touchwood, John pointed out the drinks stand to me. I took a photo of it from the balcony up by the cinema...


... Now is it just me or is the name "Love Juice" just not the right thing to call a drinks company? Imagine being on a date!

"Here love, do you want a sip of my Love Juice?"
*SLAP!*

Anyway the film was horribly excellent and we made it home for about 1:00am.

I got to bed just in time to catch a good nights sleep before being rudely awakened at 6:00am by a car alarm. It wasn't mine so I ignored it and tried to get back to sleep, ready to get up at 7:00am... Which I did...

... Work was naff as usual... I should have stayed in bed!

In the evening Me, John, and Adam ended up in Weatherspoons in Solihull. We got there for about 8:30pm and found some seats in a nice comfy booth. I was feeling peckish so I grabbed a menu, and by the time I had finished studying it, John and Adam had also caught the munchies-bug! We took up an offer of a burger and a drink for £3.99 (very reasonable) and a good time was had by all. We left at about 10:30 to and watch Wild Boys at Adams house. The 3rd series is just as funny as the first two and we were soon rolling about laughing. We left at about 11:30pm and I was home for 12 middnight.

Wednesday is a bit of a blur and I can't remember what I did, so if anyone who knows can type it in my yellbox, it would be a big help, cheers!

Thursday evening was the one I had been waiting for. I was off to see Motorhead at the Birmingham Academy with Father and Mr Mike Parlett, who is one of the ski group. I got down to dad's for about 6:20pm and we set off towards Shirley (and Mr Parletts house) to get there for 7:00pm. We then piled in to Mike's car and went to pick his mate Roger (without a "d") up from his house. Roger is an old-school rocker and definitely looked the part with his raggy beard and long hair. On the way he was talking about his old motorcycle group "The Dark Eagles" and their rival group "The Old Farts" Yes readers, apparently that is the name of a Motobike club based in Leicester.

We got to the Academy for 7:40pm and made a bee-line for the bar whilst the warm-up acts were on. Whilst there I looked around and there, stood at the bar was John from college! I hadn't seen him in 2 years so we had a good chinwag. When the lights dimmed, and the crowd started to cheer, we took our places for Motorhead. John and his mates stood downstairs, while we went up to the 1st floor balcony to see if we could get a bit closer. Naturally I tried to take photo's but the only half-decent one is the one I have posted for you...



... Not the best is it? Still, it was taken right in the middle of Ace of Spades! They played everything I expected them to except "The Game" which, for some reason, they didn't do. They did, however cover Thin Lizzy's "Roselyn" and did an acoustic version of Overkill, which sounded pretty neat. Of Course "The Ace Of Spades" topped the night and we left very satisfied, and a little deafened. On the way out we lost Roger, and spent an hour looking for him, to no avail! We eventually left, thinking he had probably forgotten he was being given a lift and had caught the bus.

We were home for about 1:00am and I leapt in to bed with my ears still ringing, and still wondering where Roger went. It was a real mystery!

On Friday I got up and went to work as per usual, and spent 20 minutes looking for a place on Woodrush car park. After I had eventually found a space, I discovered that the dozy bint in the space next to it had parked her Super-Thunder-Commander 4X4 at a shit angle and I couldn't get in. I went round the carpark a few more times before letting another dozy bint sod off and nicking her space... From then on the day got progressively worse. By the time the evening came I decided to stay in and play Chromehounds. I was in for a shock! most of the squad have left to join the number 32 squad in the WORLD! nice. And it gets a bit better, because they have invited me to join. Yay!

Now, the weekend...

Saturday was interesting. I went to get Selenas Birthday present. She wanted an SD card for her camera, so I shot over to PC world and got her a 1Gb memory card and while I was there I bought myself a Vision Camera for my 360. It's rather good and I have downloaded a few games of Xbox marketplace that utilize it. After a few hours messing with it I had to get ready to go out. Me, marcus, Adam, and Jenny went to the Peartree in Kings Heath. I drove, and picked Jenny up on the way. We all had planned for something to eat but forgot about it being Saturday...

Saturday + Weatherspoons / cheap drinks = PEOPLE!

We found a seat in the family area and ordered some grub. I had a full rack of spare ribs, and they were bloody lovely!
Afterwards thenumber of people in the place had dwindled slightly and we found some seats near the bar by a nice roaring fire. We left at about 11:00pm and I went home, with Adam and Marcus in tow. I made them a cup of coffee (I make the best coffee in the world!) and they stayed for a bit before heading off. I clambered in to bed for about 1:00am
and fell right to sleep.

Sunday was boring... Had dinner, went to nans as usual.

Monday was Selenas 21st birthday!!! Hoorah! I remember my 21st... And since I know most of you, dear readers, then you probably do as well! Next Friday is her party at the Red Lion in Kings Heath. It should be a good evening.

I would now type more but I'm going out in a bit so I will bid thee farewell, readers. You will have to wait another week or so!

TTFN

Remember remember the thingy of whatsit.

Hello readers and let me start by appologising for being slightly overdue creating this little blog. My reason is that my time has been rather spare this week, but I will start at the begining...

... Last Sunday me and Father went to the MPH06 show at the NEC. We arrived early and went round the classic car show first with father saying things like "I used to own one of those" and "I remember when you'd see these delivering the milk!" you know the sort of thing... After the 5 halls worth of Ford Anglia's and Triumph Stags we got to the show hall where the MPH show was. It was like being on the set of Top Gear whilst tripping on acid... Millions of pounds worth of vehicles and stalls, each competing to be the loudest or most colourful exhibit. I took around 30 photo's, but for the sake of my time (and your sanity) I have only posted you a select few...

The first thing you notice when you enter is a stand devoted to the loudest vehicles on the road. That is to say the loudest sound system, not engine noise... The UK's current record holder is a chav's wet dream on wheels. A proper bass-heavy, super-thunder-mega-blaster sound system with an engine and a steering wheel... Naturaly I took a couple of pics'



Right, see where the passenger seat should be? See all those black things? They're amplifiers! Now it's all very well having a sound system that would repel an army, but sheer power is nothing without something to squeeze it through....

Now I would forgive you if you thought that I had taken a picture of E.Ts living room, but in actual fact thats the boot. the 10 speakers are linked to 10 subs (yes, they have a sub' EACH!) and a synchroniser that has an output to a DVD system (so the lights flash to the beat, and the little screen shows pulses of colour when the music is on)

It is sheer madness... I mean, where does he put the shopping?

As I was doing the rounds of all the stands I came across 3 very special vehicles... All parked up on a single exhibit. I dont think they need any introduction...

Yey! Starskey & Hutch's Ford Grand Torrino! Cue the huge, purple, Huggy-Bear flares!

And here is the General Lee (which kept letting it's horn sound every 20 minutes) All together now "Da-da-da-da dadadada daa-daa-daa-daa!"

And my personal favorite....

It's K.I.T.T (thats "Knight Industries Two-Thousand!") from Knight Rider. Complete with working scanner and sampled voice unit so that everytime someone looked in, they would break a little beam and KITT would say something like "pardon me, but do you know it's rude to stare" in his famous voice... it was proper Bo, I tell thee.

At 11:00am it was time for the first show of the day, held in the MPH arena. Now I said that being in the hall was like being on Top gear whilst off your face, but the show!? Hell, it was like being on Top Gear, off your face on acid, with really loud music and Jeremy Clarkson shouting "POWERRR!" at you and James May pointing at you with a large colourful mango...

... Hang on I've lost my train of thought... Sorry...

We sat down (clutching a pair of 3D glasses we had been given) and the first thing I noticed was a suspended caravan to the left, a large screen centre stage, and a podium underneath it. Clarkson, James May, and Tiff Needel appeared and proceeded to wreak havoc...

They played Car Football with Vauxhall Fox's, had a 3D hologram of an Apache helicopter trying to "shoot" a real Lotus Elise, a parade of the worlds top 10 most expensive cars, strapped a jet engine to a bicycle, and a whole range of other antics (one involvig a motorbike and James May's buttocks...... Don't ask!) There was talk of a special guest at the start of the show and as the end drew near we were wondering who it could be. I thought Richard Hammond might make an appearance, but with the end drawing near there was no sign of anyone. With about 10 minutes left Clarkson called for silence and said "I'm sorry but it's time to introduce someone special... Some say, his Nipples are miniture satalite dishes..."

(The crowd now new who it was)

"... And that his skin has the texture of marmite..."

(*Big Cheer*)

"All we know is... He's called The Stig!"

Next thing we all know is there is a hell of an explosion and the Stig, driving a dune buggy shoots into the air from a hidden ramp mounted UNDERNEATH the front row of seats. The people sitting at the front must have shit themselves at the Stig's head appears from a few feet below their.. uh... feet!

He did the usual bout of stunt driving with big explosions and crazy cornering. The finale' of the show was good though... Remember the suspended caravan I mentioned? the dropped it to the floor with an explosion as the stig blasted through it in his buggy.

Afterwards our tickes got us entry to "The paddock" where all the vehicles used in the show are kept and worked on. Whilst there Jeremy Clarkson was signing autographs. He walked out just behind me and I didn't know until I saw a crowd decend on me like vultures! I turned round to walk right in to him! I told him that I enjoyed the show and he signed my copy of the show guide (which has smudged!) and let the rest of the crowd maul him for a bit.

We walked back through the classic car show and set about getting home. I got back for about 4:30pm and relaxed a bit before going down to my nans for tea.

Monday! I went to work, came home for about 4:30 and sat playing Chromehounds. I was relieved to know that Adam, Marcus, and Jenny had returned from Italy. We all went for a game of Bowling in Rubery and to have a gander at their holiday photos. I hope Adam actually updates his blog with them, they have a few good ones.

Tuesday evening was spent doing much of the same thing... Sorry, not much to blog about.

After coming home from work Wednesday (Hurrah! It's November!) I had a package waiting for me. My mask that I will be using for the Round Table's Charity Masquerade Ball. Most people will be using cheap cardboard ones but I have found a seller on eBay who does custom 17th century style replicas. It was delivered in top condition! It is a "Prince Harlequine" mask and looks really really snazzy!

In the evening I went to dads, but not the quiz.

On Thursday evening in the Swan, I started to get that gritty feeling you get in your throat when you are about to contract a raging bout of something nasty. I stuck it out for the evening but I awoke Friday morning feeling like I had just been hit by a bus! I phoned work to tell them I was not going to be in and went back to bed. I awoke periodically to dope myself with strepsils and couch medicine! at about 3:00pm I got up and faced the world. I decided I wanted something to watch because daytime TV is awful! I mustered up the strength to go in to Solihull and buy Season 2 of Transformers on DVD (well, what with the film coming out next year it has triggered my nostalgia glands!) I came back and put disk one (of the six) in and watched it right through. By the evening my symptoms had started to subside and I went for a quick drink with Adam and Marcus, joined a little later by Jenny after she had finished work.

By Saturday morning I was on the mend and had to collect my new suit from Moss Bros in Birmingham. I collected the jacket and trousers, decided on the shirt I wanted, but was unsure about the bowtie and whether or not I should wear a cumberbund. I had a look at some snazzy modern ones, since I didn't want to go looking like a grandad. I settled on a bow/cumberbund set in dark violet after about 20 minutes trying to decide. I raced home to try it all on together with the shoes I bought the other week. Selena took a photo of me in full "James Bond mode"

I look rather bewildered but thats because the bow tie is restricting the oxygen flow to my brain. The only thing wrong with the suit is the shirt. I bought it based on my collar size (17") but the body of the shirt is massive. Too big to look right so I shot down to Colliers in Kings Heath to see if they could alter it for me. They said that they could and took my measurements. I have to go and collect it next Saturday.

later it was Adams fireworks party (we hold one every year!) so I had stopped off in Kings Heath to buy a few rockets. At 7:30 Jenny and John arrived at my house. We headed off in my car to pick up Marcus and Jo. Marcus had decided that bigger was better and baught a 25 shot cube-like thing and a torpedo.... Yes readers a firework that really was the size of a torpedo. We started small, did the catherine wheels, the candles, lit the sparklers, set a couple of my rockets in to the sky and then decided to blow the crap out of Adams garden. We lit the smaller bomb first...

... Which was big and loud...

... We then lit Marcus's war-head...

... which was a multi-shot firework, it was so loud that you could feel your ear drums shaking, and so bright that you had to look away... Honestly, it was awsome! Afterwards we went to the Red Lion in Shirley for a pint. I came home for about 11:30 and watched some Transformers before going to bed.

I awoke Sunday (yesterday) and stuck on Transformers again to watch. I got through 4 DVD's and am now on the last disk! Hurrah! During the day I decide that I needed to design Selenas' Birthday cake on Photoshop. The picture will be printed and scanned by the Cake Gallery on to icing using edible inks and placed on her cake. I took a rather dodgy screen shot on my phone...

She said from the start that she wanted a musical theme to the cake so I have kept it modern and simple without being boring. In the evening I went to my nans for tea as usual and was relieved to find that "The best of Top Gear" was being shown on channel 4 as a remedy to Heartbeat... Thank god.

I was home for about 10:00 and after swigging a mouthful of cough medicine I went to bed ready for work this morning.

... And it's about there that I will leave you, dear reader. As I'm typing this, Kieron is playing Marvel: Ultimate Alliance on my xbox 360 and I want a go!

TTFN readers.

...Another story

Hello readers, and welcome to a much requested update. At the end of my last post I left you with a sort of mildly bad cliff hanger so I will do you all the courtesy of starting pretty much where the last one finished (on the morning of last Sunday) so that my blog looks semi-coordinated and that you, dear reader, think that I actually plan all of this and not just sit down and type random bullshit once every week-or-so.

Right, on with the blogging (right after I "set the scene")

Sunday 15th October. I had come in from seeing Adrenaline live in Wolverhampton with Jason and Gemma...

I was awoken at about 12:00pm by the smell of Sunday lunch. I mustered up the strength to drag myself out of bed to go down stairs. I was glad I did though because after eating a large dinner (nay, breakfast!) I felt much better. I spent most of the day playing Chromehounds on my 360 and then went for tea at my nans as per usual. I was home for 10:00pm though and spent the evening dabbling with the xbox before going to bed.

Ah Monday... The begining of the last week of school before half-term!

I won't blog day-to-day at work. I will summarise it like I usually do... During the week, the kiddies went hyper due to the pending holiday and the staff always have to work extra hard to control the rabble (lion taming is probably easier) and actually teach them something as well. The final lesson on Friday afternoon was hell. The noise was unbearable, they certainly didn't learn much, and how I didn't end up killing someone, I don't know!

The final bell rang, however and they all disappeared. We awarded ourselves an earlier clock-off somewhere in the region of 3:30 rather than the usual 4:30 because we all needed a lie down! (I actually did come home and doze off on the couch! isn't that the kind of thing your parents do? I think I'm getting old!)

Anyway, the holidays were upon me, I had a week (which, as I sit here typing, is almost gone) to enjoy myself. I spent most of Monday in the house fiddling with the computer and watching TV. The only time I went out was when I took a trip to Solihull to buy Ice Age 2 on DVD. In the evening I didn't go out because Adam, Marcus, and Jenny were in Italy. (I should have mentioned this at the end of my last blog but I forgot) They went on Friday 13th (of all days!) and will land today (the 27th) at about 3:30pm (in just under 3 hours.)

Back to my week off...

On Tuesday, it was pretty much the same story as Monday with the only difference being that Kieron came round and we spent more time on the 360.

Wednesday was slightly different. I ended up in Kings heath with my mother and Selena (Selena had the day off work and my mum has, unfortunately, come to the end of her contract at E-ON) because I wanted to buy Star Wars Episode III. I have the original trilogy and now want episodes I, II, and III to complete my collection. Since I think that episode III (you have to use Roman numbers, It just doesn't look right if you don't) was the best of the new ones, I bought it from WHSmiths... Although that is a story in it's self!

I walked in with mother and sister in tow and spent a few minutes looking at the DVD section but couldn't see it anywhere on the wall. I decided to ask a sales person if they had one in stock on the off-chance that they had a spare few lying in wait somewhere. The only bloke behind the counter looked rather dazed and that he had never worked out what a barber was for. The conversation ran a something like:

"Sorry mate, I'm after starwars on DVD, the third one"
"third?"
"Yeah, episode three, revenge of the Sith"
"Oh yeah, right, uh, hang on, le'me jus' check"
*tap-tap-tap-tap-tap*
"this thing aint workin'"
*tap-tap-tap... tap*
"Ah.. Oh... Is it the film you wanted?"
"... Um... Yes mate, on DVD"
"Right... It's not on the shelf, it's in stock"
"... Ok"
"Did you want to buy it?"
"Uh, yes"
"'ang on 'ere. i'll go an' get it."

At this point I wondered whether he only worked at WHSmiths because he'd failed his Argos exam... 5 Minutes went by before he came back in to the shop and said:

"Anyone got a spare store room key, it's locked!"

One of the other asistants gave him a key and off he went again... Leaving me to wonder just how long he spent trying to open the door before he realised that he needed a key to get in?

He returned another 5 minutes later.

"Huh, I walked past it twice"
"No worries"
"Do you want a half-price Terry's Chocolate Orange?"
"What? Uh... No, I'll leave it cheers"

It actually took me a second to work out what he had said because it was so random that I wasn't prepared for it. I decided to end my journey through the twighlight zone and paid him (rather quickly) and got out of the shop. When I got home I put the film on.

Later on I went to fathers. While I was there he gave me my ticket for the ladies night charity gig that I am attending in November. he also told me that this years theme was a "masquerade ball" so I would need a venetian style mask... Oh joy... After I left I went to meet mother and Chris (Adams mum) in the Bulls Head for a pint (well, I was bored and I'd never been to the Bulls Head before) I got back home for 11:30 and spent a few hours playing iSketch.

On Thursday morning I awoke with a very clear perspective of the day ahead. I needed to go in to Solihull to Moss Bros. because I need a suit for the ladies night charity gig and a "venetian style mask" to go with it. (Note: when I say "Suit" I mean a proper dinner suit, the full "James Bond" style!) The reason I wanted to go to Moss is that they sell ex-rental suits for a dash of what they would cost to buy brand new. Since I am only going to wear it maybe once or twice a year, I don't want to spend £200. They sell rental suits, though, for around £50 which is more within my prefered price range. The only slight problem, that I found once I had got there, is that the shop in Solihull doesn't sell ex-rental because it is so small. I was told I needed to go their Birmingham store, which deals in things like that. Not wanting to spend the day trudging round the City centre on my own I decided to give Mr Robinson a ring. He was about to come in to solihull on the bus, so It was good fortune that I phoned. I persuaded him to hang-fire whilst I came over to his, on the way to Brum. I shot out of Solihull and got to Johns house for about 2:00pm. We got in to Birmingham and was parked up on Moor street car park for half-past which was good because i can't stand rushing round shops. If there is something I need to do, then I like to do it in my own time, at my own pace, thankyou very much.

We started walking. We went through the Bull-Ring and up in to the Pallisades looking for Moss Bros. (I should have asked the bloke in Solihull where it was.) we then went in to the Pavillions, all to no avail. We retraced our steps and eventually came across a shop in the Pallisades called "the suit company" which had a sign in the window advertising Moss suits. I went in and gave them my story about buying an-ex rental suit. They said that I needed the main Moss outlet on New Street, right next to Tescos.

Ah-ha! now we were getting somewhere. We took a walk up and, sure enough, there it was, next to Tesco's. We went in and waited while a tailor was dealing with a wedding party who were sorting out top hats and tails. Eventually a cheery girl came over and asked what I needed. I explained my predicament to her and she (thankfully) was able to help me. She measured me up (everything apart from my inside-leg-measurement) and gave me a spare £350 suit to try on to make sure it would fit. It fitted very well and felt really really comfortable. She said that she would need to order the jacket, trousers and shirt from the warehouse and it would take about a week to 10 days to come through. After sorting that out we decided to go back through the Bull Ring to browse the shops. John bought The Might Boosh on DVD while I saved my money. We got home for about 5-ish and I shot home for my tea before getting ready to go up to the swan to meet the usual crowd of friendly faces... Who promptly told me to update this blog because they were sick of reading the same thing. After getting home, going to bed, waking up, and typing this bloody nonsense I will be heading of out to find some cufflinks to go with my shirt and to see about masks (Oh Joy!)

I should be going to the pub later as weel, to meet Jo. My my, what a busy afternoon I have ahead of me! I had best get started...

TTFN readers.

...Insert witty title...

Hello readers. Another week, another blog, and this little entry begins last Friday...

I left school at around 4:30 as per usual and raced home because I was going out. After watching far to many episodes of the Simpsons I bolted down my tea and got ready. Donna was picking me up at 7:30 so I made sure I was ready (I hate being late) and waiting ready to go...

... "EX-TER-MIN-ATE" sounded as my phone recieved a text message. Donna was running a bit late so I took the opportunity to watch a bit more Simpsons. Her and Mark rolled in to the Croft and we set off to pick Kate up. We arrived at the Saracens head in Shirley where we were meeting Vicky, Jo, and some other people...

It turned out to be Karaoke night (no, I didn't sing) and there were a few people from our crowd that got up on stage to demonstrate their musical prowess along with the regular masses. At about 10-ish, Lee (part of the entourage I was introduced to, nice bloke) suggested that everyone go up Birmingham. Donna couldn't because she had her car and was giving Mark and Kate a lift. So it turned out to be Me, Lee, Vicky, Jo, and Lyn (who was Lee's sister... I think) heading up to Reflex on Thingy-ma-bob Road. The music was the usual blend of '80's pop/rock. Lee got the first round in, and then it gets a bit blurry... I can't remember if I got a round in or not. I seem to recall standing by the bar, but I think Vicky paid for the drinks.... I will have to make a mental note to buy everyone a drink next time I see them (and by a mental note, I mean type it on here... This is my memory, after all!) At around 3:00am we all left, along with a talkative Irish fellow who had taken a shine to Vicky. Food was on the agenda and so we nipped across the road to the chip shop. We ate indoors (which is nice, because eating when I'm stood up gives me indigestion) and had a chat... When we had scoffed everything, and quelled the craving for munchies, we caught a taxi from where Thingamabob Road joins Whatsit Street (without the Irish dude, who had gone to find his hotel) and started giving him directions and trying to explain that we needed 2 stops...

... This was difficult because the cabbie was a moron:

"Y'arright mate, were goin' to Hall Green and then on to Wythall"
"Wittall?"
"Yeah, and Hall Green"
"Hal-Grin... Yes"
"How much do y'reckon it's going to be?"
"Fifftin, Fifftin pound"

We got in, and I was convinced he understood... As soon as the door closed it was:

"Sorri, where you go?"
"WYTHALL, VIA HALL GREEN!!!"
"Ah-yes, Wittall, Hal-Grin..... *short pause*..... You tell me where?"
"AAAARRRGH!"

So I started giving the poor sod directions. Now I know that I am useless at directing people but remember I was pissed, and when your that inhebriated, like all blokes, I have an auto pilot which enables me to get to just about anywhere I need to go. Consciously I couldn't have done it, but my god when I'm drunk, come hell or high water, I will get you to where you need to go (all be it late, and, in the case of high water, slightly damp.)

He took it upon himself to drop me off at Wythall first (which I didn't want to do, because i didn't like to leave the girls on their own with the greasy little wanker.) I got in and went immediately to bed... Ready for the onslaught of Saturday... Which, in my opinion, came far too quickly.

I awoke at about 10:00 just in time to go over to my nans for dinner (/breakfast.) I stumbled down stairs and got in the car with Mum and Selena and we set off. Along the way we had to call in to "The Cake Gallery" because Selena wanted to get a price of a birthday cake for her 21st Birthday (in November.) When we got to nan's she had done hot-dogs! Things were looking up! during the course of the meal...

... "EX-TER-MIN-ATE...

My phone went off and it was Jason telling me what time to be ready for, since I was going out that evening as well to see Spike's band, Adrenaline, at the Wolfram hall in Wolverhampton... He told me to be ready far earlier than I had expected so we rushed home for 4:00 so I could get changed.

After putting on my best mosh-togs I went round to his house and Myself, Jason and Gemma got a lift to Shirley station. It took about an hour to get to Wolverhampton, what with having to change trains. We got there though and met Nicola who had our tickets. After grabbing a bite to eat at Subway we went in. There were 4 support bands and the main act, Mendeed, at the end. Adrenaline was on second and gave an excellent performance. They filled the 25 minute slot easy and got the crowd in a good frenzy. By the time Mendeed was on though, we were all feeling tired so we left a bit early to beat the crowds, but not before I bought a key-chain, and 2 Adrenaline CD's.

Getting home is a story in it's self...

We started walking but Gemma's boots were hurting her feet. Like a gentleman I offered her a piggy-back (well, you know what I'm like!) She hopped on my back but immediately started to slide down again. Now rather than just let go she thought she could hold herself up if she hung on to my throat! As she slid down, she nearly strangled me, and we both ended up in a heap on the floor, with Jason doing nothing to help other than stand there, pointing at us in fits of laughter!

Nice.

We got back to the train station for about 11pm, thinking that the last train was at 11:15... It wasn't... It was at 10:15. I nearly had a heart attack, Gemma looked ready to fall asleep, and Jason looked like he was about to headbutt something. So our only options now were Metro, Bus, or Taxi. a Taxi from Wolvy to Wythall would have been about £60, so that was out... Bus or Metro to go... We walked up to the bus depot, only to discover that only the local buses were running at this time of night! AAARRGH! The Metro was our last chance. If this failed, it would be £60 to get home, or sleep on a park bench! The bus driver let us hop on for free and dropped us at the metro-stop. We made it with 2 minutes to spare. The final run was just coming in to sight as we got off! We gladly jumped on, safe in the knowledge that we would get home. On the way we ran in to a girls night out who were also trying to get back to Brum. One of them, with a broad Texan accent, noticed Gemmas funky boots and started chatting. They were a bit rowdy but quite funny to listen to. The texan woman, somewhere in her mid 30's then decided to put her feet up on my leg... Instead of giving her a stern look I waited until she was about to say something, and then quickly moved my knees out of the way so her feet dropped to the floor with a rasther loud thud... Being drunk, I don't think she knew what had just happened, and probably thought the train had crashed...

... Drunk people are hilarious...

... After we got off we said goodbye (thankfully) and got in the nearest taxi.....

"Where you go, pliz?"

... Yes readers, another moron cabbie... He was slightly better at understanding English than the cabbie the night before though so we got under way with no need for directions!

We were home for about 3:30am and I can't actually remember going to sleep... I must have done though because I remember waking up Sunday morning...

... But that's another story!

TTFN readers!

parties, fast cars, and lots of laughs!

Well readers, it's time for a blog and this (not so) little entry should prove quite interesting because the title is fairly accurate! (all be it, not in the right order.) So I will crack on with things...

The events of the past week have been numerous so I wont waste time wittering on about work... I will get to the good stuff... Starting with the laughs!

Last Friday was Jimmy Carr night. Adam had booked the tickets months ago and Friday was the big show. Gag Reflex (as the show is called) was hilarious. Me, Adam, John, Jo, and half of Transco arrived in Birmingham for 7:30pm. The show is fantastic and I would recommend it to anyone who is thinking of going. basically, there is no group of people, race, organisation, or institution that he won't take the piss out of (he was poking fun at Muslims and terrorism at one point... Taking the piss out of Muslims on a stage in Birmingham... Now thats brave!)

After the 2 hour show he did signings in the foyer of the ICC. I didn't have anything to sign so I got a quick photo of him through the crowd...

Here is the jester himself signing for the crowds. After we left, we went over to the Flapper & Firkin for a quick pint with Luke before heading off home for some sleep.

I awoke early saturday afternoon (!!!) and set about buying Jenny's birthday cake. I remembered she said she liked chocolate cake a few weeks ago, so that is what I got her. I picked up some candles and went home to to put it in the fridge. We got to Jimmy Spice's for about 8:30 and I managed to palm off the cake to a waiter before anyone saw me. I explained what he had to do and he agreed. The food at the restaurant was excellent, and most of it is cooked for you on the spot. After everyone had finished their meals I had the cake baught over much to Jenny's surprise.

... Ooh, Cake! It looked lovely and I think Jen' enjoyed the gesture. Throughout the evening there were photo's...

James pulling a grin, obviously Kate didn't notice the photo wasbeing taken!

Um... Does jenny know that she is dating a son of Satan???

After everyone had eaten their fill Me, Carl, Jenny, Marcus, Jason, and Gemma popped in to the Hogshead for a drink when everyone else went home (lightweights!)

We left at about 12:30 and I was both full, and shattered! I caught a taxi with Jason and Gemma and was home for 1:00am... A good night.

... Followed by a good day...

On Sunday Selena and Kieron had planned to go to Long Marston track for a drivers day that Selena booked for Kieron for his Birthday about 6 months ago. They asked if I wanted to go and watch, so I agreed. We got there for about 12:45, with Kierons event to start at 1:30. After we parked we went to the main area and I noticed the display of supercars on show...

Lamborghini Gallardo, looking splendid...

Ferrari F350 looking even more splendid...

And the Bentley Continental GT looking damned fine...

Of course there was also an aston Martin DB9, and other super cars... This is when I noticed a sign saying "Arrive and Drive" This is when I started to get intrigued... I picked up a leaflet and for £40.00 you could take a lap in one of the cars. I paid £75.00 for 2 laps in the DB9 ('cos it's my favorite) and waited by the "pit." My co-driver came over and threw me the keys... Now before I go any further let me tell you that I have always dreamed of driving a DB9...

I got in, and the guy climbed in to the passenger seat. I started the electrics and pushed the start button. I eased it past the Bentley (carefully!) and got it lined up with the first corner. I went round it at about 40 and then kicked the accelerator. It went from 40 to 70 in no-time. The course went in to a chiccane and then a series of corners, a small straight, and a hair pin before coming in to the main straight. The main straight was 3 quarters of a mile long and the tarmac was perfect, I got it up to 120mph on the small straight, and much quicker on the main drag. It is surprisingly easy to drive and goes like a bastard on the track! The second lap went much the same way as the first, with no under/over steer coming from the car at all. The guy was impressed at my lines, and asked if I owned a sports car... I told him I drive a Mondeo and he went a bit quiet... Coming in after the second lap we got in to a conversation:

"where do you want me to put it, mate"

"park it between the two Ferraris, it's less to walk"

"which two? there are three"

"Oh, yeah. On the right then"

"alright"

Parking the thing felt just as good as driving it and after I got out I was given the opportunity to purchase a printed photo of me going round the track... So I did...

Smart. Stylish. Powerful... But enough about the driver, the car looks fab, don't it!

After I got out, I discovered that Selena had paid for a lap as well! I got her photo put on CD with mine.

Here she is on the little straight. Looks good don't it.

After my bit of fun, it was time for Kierons turn. His day involved driving a Subaru Impreza and a Mitsubishi Evo 6 round a dirt track, a skid track and the main strip, before being taken for a high speed ride by a pro-rally driver. He started on the dirt track in the Impreza. The course pro said he was a good driver and gave him 37 out of 40 points for the course. After waiting for about 20 minutes, he went round the skid track in the Evo and scored highly again, because of a rather niffty drift he put in at the bottom corner of the track. The next time he drove the Evo was round the main track (where me and Selena had gone in the Aston') it looked a quick lap, and again, more points were added. When it came to the passenger ride, the driver tore off the line and went round the course in about a minute-thirty.

I got a picture of Kieron on the skid track. Seen here about to flick the back end around the bottom corner.

After the winners ceremony (Kieron came joint 3rd out of about 12 drivers) we headed off home and I went down to my nans as per usual. I took my photo and showed it around (well you would, wouldn't you?) I think my dad was impressed and my nan certainly was.

After a long day, I finally went home to bed...!

Well readers, I am now off to go drinkin' somewhere.

TTFN readers...

poopytrim

The hunt for red _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ?

Hello readers. It's October and time for another blog, methinks. The first thing I have to say is "Happy Birthday" to Lank. I should have mentioned it last time I blogged, but forgot... Sorry. Yes, Mr Thomas is now a quarter of a century old but still retains his youthful looks... Sort of.

Right, on with business.

During the week I had the opportunity to go with the year 10's (again) for another session at Avoncroft museum. I didn't really want to go since I had a list of jobs as long as my arm to be getting on with at Woodrush (the biggest task being clearing the stock-cupboard in the art studio!) But I got the shite-end of the stick and was packed up and shoved in to the minibus. the session was a classroom based activity (which they didn't like) on "Manual Handling" or, basically "how to pick stuff up without giving yourself a hernia" which they managed to spread out over the course of 4 hours. You couldn't blame the kids for getting rowdy because it was boring as hell and I had a job staying awake! Anyway, throughout the course of the day the North Bromsgrove lads started to act up and at lunchtime on of the clan actually had the gaul to break in to one of the workshops and started throwing equipment around! This was going on whilst I was having my lunch and the kiddies were off having theirs. Next think I know, a short fat woman came marching up to me telling me how I wasn't being the responsible member of staff that I should be, and told me the details of the incident. I pointed out to her that one member of staff can't observe the behaviour of 27 kiddies when they are strolling round the museum gardens. I also pointed out that the kiddie involved wasn't under my direct control and that if she wanted me to act like a bouncer, then she can pay me as one. (I wanted to tell her to fuck off and die, but I restrained myself.) I suggested that she phoned North Bromsgrove School and take matters up with them rather than chew my ear off about something that I had no control over.

I couldn't wait for 2:30 when the minibus came and we all headed back to Woodrush. I didn't bother staying long and awarded myself an early clock-off at about 3:15.

So a couple of days later it was the weekend...

The plan was this: Saturday night was going to be a fantastic piss-up in Barracuda.

At 7:00pm Saturday Lank and daniel called round to my house ready to go to the Swan where we were meeting Mark, Benji, and Donna for a few "Pre-Birmingham bevvies" When we got there Jenny and Marcus were already in there, because they were going Bowling with Julia. Mark, Benji, and Donna were soon to follow and we spent a good hour or so drinking before starting the long walk to the Maypole to catch the number 50 bus (bus? what the hell is a bus? Being a motorist, I know-not of this phenomenon!)

We eventually got down to the Maypole and caught the poor excuse for a vehicle of public transport (driven by a poor excuse for a driver of said vehicle) and hopped off at some road (don't ask me which one, I don't know my way round Birmingham during the day, let alone when it's dark!) We walked up past Legs 11 to Barracuda ready to commence an evening of fun and frolics...

... Which we did. When we got there the first thing we did was meet up with Jess and paul, with some of Donna's friends (Vicky and Jo) turning up a bit later.

Throughout the course of the evening, naturaly, there were photos:


Donna, Mark, and Jo looking like true party-people.



This has got to be one of the strangest photo's I have ever taken... lank licking Daniels ear whist Danny-boy looks like he's just swallowed a lemon, soaked in brake-fluid! Honestly, I sometimes worry about those two, I really do.

However. It's not like those two were the only people to do something daft... You know how sometimes i can be a bit of a clot? Well during the evening I managed to:

• Choke on 3 test-tubes of baileys
• trip over the seats
• nearly knock the table over with my foot
• trod on someones foot on the way to the bar
• and tripped up the step coming back!

I felt like a right loon. Anyway, at about 2:00am Jess, Paul, Mark, and Donna left, leaving Me, Lank, Dan, Vicky and Jo dancing like mad-people. We ended up leaving at about 2:30am and left looking for something to eat. Vicky and Jo got some chips and a burger from a cafe across the road before starting the trek to find a taxi. On the way I ended up giving Jo a piggy-back down whatever road we were on which provided 5 minutes of hillarity (and a slightly sore back.)

We ended up getting 2 taxis since the girls needed to go in the opposite direction. I think I got home for just after 3:00am which wasn't to bad. I imediately went straight to bed since I was dead on my feet and ready to pass out. (actually I think i was a sleep as soon as my noggin hit the pillow!)

Which brings us up to date, Dear readers. I am going to sign off now as I have just worked out that I have thrown away Selena's invite list for her 21st Birthday party and am going to help type another one...

TTFN.

I just called, to say.... ?

Hello readers, another week another blog. On Saturday, me and Selena went in to Birmingham because about a month a go she got herself a good deal on an upgrade with O2 and now my contract was up and I wanted a good deal as well (I love a bargain!)

So off we went. After following Selenas directions to park on top of Selfridges (because I didn't know you had to drive round it 3 times before getting to the car park entrance!) we went down to the shopping level where I wandered right past the O2 shop abut was quickly retrieved by Selena. (well, bright blue neon signs just blend in with everything, don't they?) I got talking to a lady-person about upgrading my handset as well as modifying my contract. They did me an in store deal where I pay a few pounds per month extra but get 5 times as many minutes, twice the number of texts plus free calls at weekends. My handset got upgraded to a Sony Ericsson K800i for free, plus I got myself a 1Gb M2 memory card... Nice.

After giving the lady-person my details and signing the contract (why are they all 18 months now?) we left and I was dead chuffed about my brand-spanking-new phone.

Nothing big has happened much during the rest of the week except for yesterday. It was Woodrushes annual open day and as usual I was on-hand to help out. I did a lot more talking to parents this year but this is down to the Deputy Head Teacher talking about Woodrush as being "the only school in the area to have a full time art specialist working along side teachers as an assistant, to further enrich the artistic abilities of every pupil." I was wondering to myself who the hell she was talking about, when I noticed her waving parents in my direction...

... Great, now I'm a damned "specialist." Don't get me wrong, it's a nice way of being introduced, but the fact that I hadn't even qualified for a name-tag like all the other members of staff, and that when the refreshments came round all I got was a carton of out-of-date blackcurrant juice, it made me wonder if what she had said was, in fact, a load of bollocks and that she was just trying to impress people...


... So there I was, surrounded by people asking me about various paintings that had been laid out, kids prodding at the various paintings that had been laid out, and all the dads saying stuff like "Uh, I can't draw at all... I don't know how" (what? you don't know how to pick up a pencil, and scrape the black bit over a piece of paper???) or the nerdy dads, who tried talking to me about their favorite artists. Things like "Oh yes, I love art, yes, I always wanted to be a painter..." (Well if you're that eager there's some paint in the cupboard, and some paper in the stock-room... Knock yourself out... you tit.) The highlight of the evening was one dozy woman who told me that she was a pupil at Woodrush 25 years ago. She gave a vacant stare in to space and said "it's changed a bit since I was here" (Well yes I suppose over the course of 25 years, it fucking-well has!)

After entertaining nearly a thousand people, Me, sally, and Hannah (i.e. me and 2 of the 3 art teachers) left at about 9:00pm. We were all completely shattered. I shot home, got changed and went up to the Swan to meet the usual crowd of friendly faces. (It was a relief, believe me!)

So thats the week in full, I'm afraid. Not much to this blog but stay tuned, things are bound to get better!

TTFN readers!