I've got ham but I'm not a hamser...

Hello readers and welcome to post 231 of my blog...

... Not that it's any sort of important number, I just thought I would mention it. Anyway on with the show!

I begin, as usual, from Monday. I awoke to the results of the blizzard we had the night before (we don't usually get snow at this time of year. Whats going on?) and drove to work... All be it, slowly. Work went surprisingly quick, but have you ever had one of those days where you feel like you haven't got anything done? Well for me, Monday was one of those days and I came away knowing that the following day would have to be used for finishing off little jobs and menial tasks that I didn't have chance to complete.

In the evening I went round to Adams because he had bought Assassins Creed for the 360. I had been wandering if it was any good so went to have a proper nose at the game...

... And the results are glorious! The whole game feels like a proper historical epic. The game engine works beautifly and is just about perfect... (with the exeption of the main assassinations, which I find a bit annoying, but I am told this is because I'm not doing it properly!)

Anyway. I left at a reasonable time and came home with the thought that if I am a good little boy, Santa will bring me the game for Chrismas.

Tuesday morning came and, actually, work wasn't as hectic as I had imagined. I had a productive day, but at the back of my mind was still the thought that it would be fantastic to be able to play Assassins Creed again. Throughout the course of the day the snow melted and we had sunshine by the afternoon. I came away at 4:30pm hoping I could go round to Adams for an Assassins Creed fix...

... But. He rang me to tell me that he wasn't going to be in. He was off to see Frank Skinner at the NEC...

... WHAT WOULD I DO!?

... Well, after that crushing blow, a rather strange series of events happened...

Mother wanted me to have a look on the internet for a new oven, since ours packed up the week before. (Which I suppose I should have mentioned in my previous blog, sorry readers.) Whilst doing that I had a look at the Argos website just to see, purely out of interest, how much a certain game cost. (I'm sure you know by now which one I was looking at!)

After browsing various electrical retailers websites I couldn't find a good brand of double oven cheap enough so I suggested that we go to Comet to have a look what they have in stock...

... Comet in Shirley...

... Thats right by Argos...

... Oh my god...

... It all sort of happened in a bit of a blur. I always thought I had such good will power. I knew in my head that it would be far better to wait and get Assasins Creed for Christmas. I knew that it would be foolish to get it now... But my hand just sort of started moving of it's own accord and before I realised I had reserved a copy of it to be collected at shirley...

... Oh the shame. I had turned to the dark side... The force is not strong with this one, dear readers... I was... I was... IMPULSE BUYING!!!!

... Oh the shame, the shame...

... Anyway. We set off and I dropped mum at Comet, then whipped round the corner to Argos to collect my gaming fix for the next few months. I then went back to Comet to get mum... She had purchased a Zanussi oven and it was going to be delivered on Saturday. We left and I raced home to play a bit of Assassins Creed...

You know what readers, I'm just going to refer to it as: "A/C" from now on... It saves wear and tear on the keyboard...

So, on to Wednesday. I went to work and was put on 2 cover lessons! This meant that I had no spare time to do anything for the art department and spent the day trying to teach science and history...

I was quite knackered when it was time to leave at 4:30pm....

In the evening I... Well. Don't get me started about Wednesday evening...

... I mean to come back from 2-0 down and then let Croatia score a third is just unacceptable! (Ooh, get me talking about football!) I know I'm not the worlds greatest fan of the game... But when it comes to England... National Pride... I'm all for giving the rest of the world a proverbial middle finger. And if that proverbial middle finger comes via the world of football then it has my blessing... Provided, of course your team isn't comprised of TURF-KICKING NUMTIES!!!!

Seriously... (here we go, I'm on a rant now...) I want the Managers job... I'd get the lazy bunch of troglodytes working for their bloody pay-check! I'd wipe the slate clean first. Get rid of unnecessary players. Then go and scout a few clubs for some real talent! Offer them a place on the squad but say, "Your paycheck will depend on your performance. You don't come up with the goods, your money will be your clubs standard rate. Do well and your paycheck will start with a bigger number than usual" And if they didn't like it, and I ended up with absolutely no-one willing to play under those conditions, then I will have proved a point: That players play for the money, and not for the love of the game...

... Which I believe is the case right now, and is the reason England will never win the world cup for a second time.

... Ah, rant over.

Right. Thursday. Thursday at work was a good one. It went quick and, although I was on cover again, felt like I had accomplished something. 4:30pm came round faster than a carousel with a nitrous kit and I was out the door. (Did you like that similie? I thought it was quite good! "Carousel with a nitrous kit" Not bad concidering I plucked it out of the air... I will remember that one.)

Ah. Friday... Friday was excellent! Work was good and we were out for 3:30pm. But that wasn't the reason why it was excellent... No, no, no... It was excellent because I was going to see Bill Bailey at the NIA!!!! Oh, yeah! I saw him at the Hippodrome in Birmingham about 5 years a go, when he was doing the "Part Troll" tour. His latest tour is the "Tinselworm" tour... But what is a Tinselworm I hear you ask?

"Is it a worm? Or a metaphor? Is it in fact a hybrid worm, so favoured by celebrities? Or is it more sinister, a GM worm, a freak of nature? Too cheap for silk, too proud for earth... The Tinselworm is a mid-level worm that dares to dream."

Anyway. Kieron drove myself, Selena, and John. We met up with Adam and co' in the NIA itself. Before Bill appeared we were instructed to:

"Turn off any electrical equipment, including mobile phones, pacemakers, powerful electromagnets, and electrostatic nuclear devices, as these items may intefere with the venues navigational systems"

Then another announcement:

"Please remember to remain optimistic at all times, as hope is the key to human survival"

This is exactly the type of lunacy involved with Bill Bailey...

During the show I attempted some photos but the focal range on my mobile is a tad limited. The only one decnt enough to show you is below... And even that one is a bit ropey!

I appologise for the slight blur. You can see Bill centre stage... Or on the huge screen in the upper left!

Anyway he did a fantastic show, covering everything from doorbells, to song lyrics, to emo's! Afterwards I bought a recording of the Birmingham performance to listen to (Though that wont stop me buying the DVD when it's out! We dropped John home, then myself. I played a bit of A/C before going to bed.

Ah Saturday... Saturday started out as a good day. I got up, played A/C for a bit, nan and grandad and Selena came round, we had wine, I played a bit of the Bill Bailey gig, it was all jolly. The new oven arrived as well! it looked nice and was installed within minutes. Then selena said "Why don't you come round and have a look at Mario Galaxy?" (which she had bought the day before) I agreed so she set off, and I followed about 5 minutes later. So there I was, driving along, minding my own business, when

BANG!

there was what sounded like an explosion going off under water, my car pitched itsef violently to the left, bounced off the kerb and would have ended up swerving across the road, had I not fought the steering wheel, and just about won, to keep it pointing just about straight...

... I could feel that the car was sort of leaning over slightly, and limped it round the corner to Selenas flat where I descovered the cause of this impromtu surprise...

... I had suffered a complete blow-out at 40mph!

if you have never experienced one, let me give you a piece of advise: Never EVER think "Ooh, that sounds exciting, I'd like to experience that!" because you don't! I thought I had driven over a land-mine! Fortunately there wasn't any cars around me. If there had been, it could have resulted in a bit of a mess. My nearside front tyre was totally flat, and I'm not sure if I have buggered up the alloy. I put the spare on and went in to Selenas. To top it off, Mario galaxy is a bit naff. It received absolutely fantastic reviews but I had a go and found it basic, repetetive, and unresponsice in terms of the control system. The story is exactly the same as Mario 64: 140 stars have been nicked by Bowser so Mario must travel to different worlds to get them back. Oh, and some worlds are only available after you have so many stars... See? It's mario 64 all over again! I mean Mario sunshine was a bit original with the whole water-pistol thing, but they really are the laziest game designers in history. Anyway, after that I dropped a DVD off at fathers house and went round to Adams. We all watched Hostel 2... Which was a bit lame. I mean it had it's good bits, but essentially it was a gore-fest with a few boobs on display to keep people interested.

I left at about 1:00am. Came home, and went to bed.

And thats about it readers...

Thankyou for your time, and I will blog again next week

TTFN