...Another story

Hello readers, and welcome to a much requested update. At the end of my last post I left you with a sort of mildly bad cliff hanger so I will do you all the courtesy of starting pretty much where the last one finished (on the morning of last Sunday) so that my blog looks semi-coordinated and that you, dear reader, think that I actually plan all of this and not just sit down and type random bullshit once every week-or-so.

Right, on with the blogging (right after I "set the scene")

Sunday 15th October. I had come in from seeing Adrenaline live in Wolverhampton with Jason and Gemma...

I was awoken at about 12:00pm by the smell of Sunday lunch. I mustered up the strength to drag myself out of bed to go down stairs. I was glad I did though because after eating a large dinner (nay, breakfast!) I felt much better. I spent most of the day playing Chromehounds on my 360 and then went for tea at my nans as per usual. I was home for 10:00pm though and spent the evening dabbling with the xbox before going to bed.

Ah Monday... The begining of the last week of school before half-term!

I won't blog day-to-day at work. I will summarise it like I usually do... During the week, the kiddies went hyper due to the pending holiday and the staff always have to work extra hard to control the rabble (lion taming is probably easier) and actually teach them something as well. The final lesson on Friday afternoon was hell. The noise was unbearable, they certainly didn't learn much, and how I didn't end up killing someone, I don't know!

The final bell rang, however and they all disappeared. We awarded ourselves an earlier clock-off somewhere in the region of 3:30 rather than the usual 4:30 because we all needed a lie down! (I actually did come home and doze off on the couch! isn't that the kind of thing your parents do? I think I'm getting old!)

Anyway, the holidays were upon me, I had a week (which, as I sit here typing, is almost gone) to enjoy myself. I spent most of Monday in the house fiddling with the computer and watching TV. The only time I went out was when I took a trip to Solihull to buy Ice Age 2 on DVD. In the evening I didn't go out because Adam, Marcus, and Jenny were in Italy. (I should have mentioned this at the end of my last blog but I forgot) They went on Friday 13th (of all days!) and will land today (the 27th) at about 3:30pm (in just under 3 hours.)

Back to my week off...

On Tuesday, it was pretty much the same story as Monday with the only difference being that Kieron came round and we spent more time on the 360.

Wednesday was slightly different. I ended up in Kings heath with my mother and Selena (Selena had the day off work and my mum has, unfortunately, come to the end of her contract at E-ON) because I wanted to buy Star Wars Episode III. I have the original trilogy and now want episodes I, II, and III to complete my collection. Since I think that episode III (you have to use Roman numbers, It just doesn't look right if you don't) was the best of the new ones, I bought it from WHSmiths... Although that is a story in it's self!

I walked in with mother and sister in tow and spent a few minutes looking at the DVD section but couldn't see it anywhere on the wall. I decided to ask a sales person if they had one in stock on the off-chance that they had a spare few lying in wait somewhere. The only bloke behind the counter looked rather dazed and that he had never worked out what a barber was for. The conversation ran a something like:

"Sorry mate, I'm after starwars on DVD, the third one"
"third?"
"Yeah, episode three, revenge of the Sith"
"Oh yeah, right, uh, hang on, le'me jus' check"
*tap-tap-tap-tap-tap*
"this thing aint workin'"
*tap-tap-tap... tap*
"Ah.. Oh... Is it the film you wanted?"
"... Um... Yes mate, on DVD"
"Right... It's not on the shelf, it's in stock"
"... Ok"
"Did you want to buy it?"
"Uh, yes"
"'ang on 'ere. i'll go an' get it."

At this point I wondered whether he only worked at WHSmiths because he'd failed his Argos exam... 5 Minutes went by before he came back in to the shop and said:

"Anyone got a spare store room key, it's locked!"

One of the other asistants gave him a key and off he went again... Leaving me to wonder just how long he spent trying to open the door before he realised that he needed a key to get in?

He returned another 5 minutes later.

"Huh, I walked past it twice"
"No worries"
"Do you want a half-price Terry's Chocolate Orange?"
"What? Uh... No, I'll leave it cheers"

It actually took me a second to work out what he had said because it was so random that I wasn't prepared for it. I decided to end my journey through the twighlight zone and paid him (rather quickly) and got out of the shop. When I got home I put the film on.

Later on I went to fathers. While I was there he gave me my ticket for the ladies night charity gig that I am attending in November. he also told me that this years theme was a "masquerade ball" so I would need a venetian style mask... Oh joy... After I left I went to meet mother and Chris (Adams mum) in the Bulls Head for a pint (well, I was bored and I'd never been to the Bulls Head before) I got back home for 11:30 and spent a few hours playing iSketch.

On Thursday morning I awoke with a very clear perspective of the day ahead. I needed to go in to Solihull to Moss Bros. because I need a suit for the ladies night charity gig and a "venetian style mask" to go with it. (Note: when I say "Suit" I mean a proper dinner suit, the full "James Bond" style!) The reason I wanted to go to Moss is that they sell ex-rental suits for a dash of what they would cost to buy brand new. Since I am only going to wear it maybe once or twice a year, I don't want to spend £200. They sell rental suits, though, for around £50 which is more within my prefered price range. The only slight problem, that I found once I had got there, is that the shop in Solihull doesn't sell ex-rental because it is so small. I was told I needed to go their Birmingham store, which deals in things like that. Not wanting to spend the day trudging round the City centre on my own I decided to give Mr Robinson a ring. He was about to come in to solihull on the bus, so It was good fortune that I phoned. I persuaded him to hang-fire whilst I came over to his, on the way to Brum. I shot out of Solihull and got to Johns house for about 2:00pm. We got in to Birmingham and was parked up on Moor street car park for half-past which was good because i can't stand rushing round shops. If there is something I need to do, then I like to do it in my own time, at my own pace, thankyou very much.

We started walking. We went through the Bull-Ring and up in to the Pallisades looking for Moss Bros. (I should have asked the bloke in Solihull where it was.) we then went in to the Pavillions, all to no avail. We retraced our steps and eventually came across a shop in the Pallisades called "the suit company" which had a sign in the window advertising Moss suits. I went in and gave them my story about buying an-ex rental suit. They said that I needed the main Moss outlet on New Street, right next to Tescos.

Ah-ha! now we were getting somewhere. We took a walk up and, sure enough, there it was, next to Tesco's. We went in and waited while a tailor was dealing with a wedding party who were sorting out top hats and tails. Eventually a cheery girl came over and asked what I needed. I explained my predicament to her and she (thankfully) was able to help me. She measured me up (everything apart from my inside-leg-measurement) and gave me a spare £350 suit to try on to make sure it would fit. It fitted very well and felt really really comfortable. She said that she would need to order the jacket, trousers and shirt from the warehouse and it would take about a week to 10 days to come through. After sorting that out we decided to go back through the Bull Ring to browse the shops. John bought The Might Boosh on DVD while I saved my money. We got home for about 5-ish and I shot home for my tea before getting ready to go up to the swan to meet the usual crowd of friendly faces... Who promptly told me to update this blog because they were sick of reading the same thing. After getting home, going to bed, waking up, and typing this bloody nonsense I will be heading of out to find some cufflinks to go with my shirt and to see about masks (Oh Joy!)

I should be going to the pub later as weel, to meet Jo. My my, what a busy afternoon I have ahead of me! I had best get started...

TTFN readers.

...Insert witty title...

Hello readers. Another week, another blog, and this little entry begins last Friday...

I left school at around 4:30 as per usual and raced home because I was going out. After watching far to many episodes of the Simpsons I bolted down my tea and got ready. Donna was picking me up at 7:30 so I made sure I was ready (I hate being late) and waiting ready to go...

... "EX-TER-MIN-ATE" sounded as my phone recieved a text message. Donna was running a bit late so I took the opportunity to watch a bit more Simpsons. Her and Mark rolled in to the Croft and we set off to pick Kate up. We arrived at the Saracens head in Shirley where we were meeting Vicky, Jo, and some other people...

It turned out to be Karaoke night (no, I didn't sing) and there were a few people from our crowd that got up on stage to demonstrate their musical prowess along with the regular masses. At about 10-ish, Lee (part of the entourage I was introduced to, nice bloke) suggested that everyone go up Birmingham. Donna couldn't because she had her car and was giving Mark and Kate a lift. So it turned out to be Me, Lee, Vicky, Jo, and Lyn (who was Lee's sister... I think) heading up to Reflex on Thingy-ma-bob Road. The music was the usual blend of '80's pop/rock. Lee got the first round in, and then it gets a bit blurry... I can't remember if I got a round in or not. I seem to recall standing by the bar, but I think Vicky paid for the drinks.... I will have to make a mental note to buy everyone a drink next time I see them (and by a mental note, I mean type it on here... This is my memory, after all!) At around 3:00am we all left, along with a talkative Irish fellow who had taken a shine to Vicky. Food was on the agenda and so we nipped across the road to the chip shop. We ate indoors (which is nice, because eating when I'm stood up gives me indigestion) and had a chat... When we had scoffed everything, and quelled the craving for munchies, we caught a taxi from where Thingamabob Road joins Whatsit Street (without the Irish dude, who had gone to find his hotel) and started giving him directions and trying to explain that we needed 2 stops...

... This was difficult because the cabbie was a moron:

"Y'arright mate, were goin' to Hall Green and then on to Wythall"
"Wittall?"
"Yeah, and Hall Green"
"Hal-Grin... Yes"
"How much do y'reckon it's going to be?"
"Fifftin, Fifftin pound"

We got in, and I was convinced he understood... As soon as the door closed it was:

"Sorri, where you go?"
"WYTHALL, VIA HALL GREEN!!!"
"Ah-yes, Wittall, Hal-Grin..... *short pause*..... You tell me where?"
"AAAARRRGH!"

So I started giving the poor sod directions. Now I know that I am useless at directing people but remember I was pissed, and when your that inhebriated, like all blokes, I have an auto pilot which enables me to get to just about anywhere I need to go. Consciously I couldn't have done it, but my god when I'm drunk, come hell or high water, I will get you to where you need to go (all be it late, and, in the case of high water, slightly damp.)

He took it upon himself to drop me off at Wythall first (which I didn't want to do, because i didn't like to leave the girls on their own with the greasy little wanker.) I got in and went immediately to bed... Ready for the onslaught of Saturday... Which, in my opinion, came far too quickly.

I awoke at about 10:00 just in time to go over to my nans for dinner (/breakfast.) I stumbled down stairs and got in the car with Mum and Selena and we set off. Along the way we had to call in to "The Cake Gallery" because Selena wanted to get a price of a birthday cake for her 21st Birthday (in November.) When we got to nan's she had done hot-dogs! Things were looking up! during the course of the meal...

... "EX-TER-MIN-ATE...

My phone went off and it was Jason telling me what time to be ready for, since I was going out that evening as well to see Spike's band, Adrenaline, at the Wolfram hall in Wolverhampton... He told me to be ready far earlier than I had expected so we rushed home for 4:00 so I could get changed.

After putting on my best mosh-togs I went round to his house and Myself, Jason and Gemma got a lift to Shirley station. It took about an hour to get to Wolverhampton, what with having to change trains. We got there though and met Nicola who had our tickets. After grabbing a bite to eat at Subway we went in. There were 4 support bands and the main act, Mendeed, at the end. Adrenaline was on second and gave an excellent performance. They filled the 25 minute slot easy and got the crowd in a good frenzy. By the time Mendeed was on though, we were all feeling tired so we left a bit early to beat the crowds, but not before I bought a key-chain, and 2 Adrenaline CD's.

Getting home is a story in it's self...

We started walking but Gemma's boots were hurting her feet. Like a gentleman I offered her a piggy-back (well, you know what I'm like!) She hopped on my back but immediately started to slide down again. Now rather than just let go she thought she could hold herself up if she hung on to my throat! As she slid down, she nearly strangled me, and we both ended up in a heap on the floor, with Jason doing nothing to help other than stand there, pointing at us in fits of laughter!

Nice.

We got back to the train station for about 11pm, thinking that the last train was at 11:15... It wasn't... It was at 10:15. I nearly had a heart attack, Gemma looked ready to fall asleep, and Jason looked like he was about to headbutt something. So our only options now were Metro, Bus, or Taxi. a Taxi from Wolvy to Wythall would have been about £60, so that was out... Bus or Metro to go... We walked up to the bus depot, only to discover that only the local buses were running at this time of night! AAARRGH! The Metro was our last chance. If this failed, it would be £60 to get home, or sleep on a park bench! The bus driver let us hop on for free and dropped us at the metro-stop. We made it with 2 minutes to spare. The final run was just coming in to sight as we got off! We gladly jumped on, safe in the knowledge that we would get home. On the way we ran in to a girls night out who were also trying to get back to Brum. One of them, with a broad Texan accent, noticed Gemmas funky boots and started chatting. They were a bit rowdy but quite funny to listen to. The texan woman, somewhere in her mid 30's then decided to put her feet up on my leg... Instead of giving her a stern look I waited until she was about to say something, and then quickly moved my knees out of the way so her feet dropped to the floor with a rasther loud thud... Being drunk, I don't think she knew what had just happened, and probably thought the train had crashed...

... Drunk people are hilarious...

... After we got off we said goodbye (thankfully) and got in the nearest taxi.....

"Where you go, pliz?"

... Yes readers, another moron cabbie... He was slightly better at understanding English than the cabbie the night before though so we got under way with no need for directions!

We were home for about 3:30am and I can't actually remember going to sleep... I must have done though because I remember waking up Sunday morning...

... But that's another story!

TTFN readers!

parties, fast cars, and lots of laughs!

Well readers, it's time for a blog and this (not so) little entry should prove quite interesting because the title is fairly accurate! (all be it, not in the right order.) So I will crack on with things...

The events of the past week have been numerous so I wont waste time wittering on about work... I will get to the good stuff... Starting with the laughs!

Last Friday was Jimmy Carr night. Adam had booked the tickets months ago and Friday was the big show. Gag Reflex (as the show is called) was hilarious. Me, Adam, John, Jo, and half of Transco arrived in Birmingham for 7:30pm. The show is fantastic and I would recommend it to anyone who is thinking of going. basically, there is no group of people, race, organisation, or institution that he won't take the piss out of (he was poking fun at Muslims and terrorism at one point... Taking the piss out of Muslims on a stage in Birmingham... Now thats brave!)

After the 2 hour show he did signings in the foyer of the ICC. I didn't have anything to sign so I got a quick photo of him through the crowd...

Here is the jester himself signing for the crowds. After we left, we went over to the Flapper & Firkin for a quick pint with Luke before heading off home for some sleep.

I awoke early saturday afternoon (!!!) and set about buying Jenny's birthday cake. I remembered she said she liked chocolate cake a few weeks ago, so that is what I got her. I picked up some candles and went home to to put it in the fridge. We got to Jimmy Spice's for about 8:30 and I managed to palm off the cake to a waiter before anyone saw me. I explained what he had to do and he agreed. The food at the restaurant was excellent, and most of it is cooked for you on the spot. After everyone had finished their meals I had the cake baught over much to Jenny's surprise.

... Ooh, Cake! It looked lovely and I think Jen' enjoyed the gesture. Throughout the evening there were photo's...

James pulling a grin, obviously Kate didn't notice the photo wasbeing taken!

Um... Does jenny know that she is dating a son of Satan???

After everyone had eaten their fill Me, Carl, Jenny, Marcus, Jason, and Gemma popped in to the Hogshead for a drink when everyone else went home (lightweights!)

We left at about 12:30 and I was both full, and shattered! I caught a taxi with Jason and Gemma and was home for 1:00am... A good night.

... Followed by a good day...

On Sunday Selena and Kieron had planned to go to Long Marston track for a drivers day that Selena booked for Kieron for his Birthday about 6 months ago. They asked if I wanted to go and watch, so I agreed. We got there for about 12:45, with Kierons event to start at 1:30. After we parked we went to the main area and I noticed the display of supercars on show...

Lamborghini Gallardo, looking splendid...

Ferrari F350 looking even more splendid...

And the Bentley Continental GT looking damned fine...

Of course there was also an aston Martin DB9, and other super cars... This is when I noticed a sign saying "Arrive and Drive" This is when I started to get intrigued... I picked up a leaflet and for £40.00 you could take a lap in one of the cars. I paid £75.00 for 2 laps in the DB9 ('cos it's my favorite) and waited by the "pit." My co-driver came over and threw me the keys... Now before I go any further let me tell you that I have always dreamed of driving a DB9...

I got in, and the guy climbed in to the passenger seat. I started the electrics and pushed the start button. I eased it past the Bentley (carefully!) and got it lined up with the first corner. I went round it at about 40 and then kicked the accelerator. It went from 40 to 70 in no-time. The course went in to a chiccane and then a series of corners, a small straight, and a hair pin before coming in to the main straight. The main straight was 3 quarters of a mile long and the tarmac was perfect, I got it up to 120mph on the small straight, and much quicker on the main drag. It is surprisingly easy to drive and goes like a bastard on the track! The second lap went much the same way as the first, with no under/over steer coming from the car at all. The guy was impressed at my lines, and asked if I owned a sports car... I told him I drive a Mondeo and he went a bit quiet... Coming in after the second lap we got in to a conversation:

"where do you want me to put it, mate"

"park it between the two Ferraris, it's less to walk"

"which two? there are three"

"Oh, yeah. On the right then"

"alright"

Parking the thing felt just as good as driving it and after I got out I was given the opportunity to purchase a printed photo of me going round the track... So I did...

Smart. Stylish. Powerful... But enough about the driver, the car looks fab, don't it!

After I got out, I discovered that Selena had paid for a lap as well! I got her photo put on CD with mine.

Here she is on the little straight. Looks good don't it.

After my bit of fun, it was time for Kierons turn. His day involved driving a Subaru Impreza and a Mitsubishi Evo 6 round a dirt track, a skid track and the main strip, before being taken for a high speed ride by a pro-rally driver. He started on the dirt track in the Impreza. The course pro said he was a good driver and gave him 37 out of 40 points for the course. After waiting for about 20 minutes, he went round the skid track in the Evo and scored highly again, because of a rather niffty drift he put in at the bottom corner of the track. The next time he drove the Evo was round the main track (where me and Selena had gone in the Aston') it looked a quick lap, and again, more points were added. When it came to the passenger ride, the driver tore off the line and went round the course in about a minute-thirty.

I got a picture of Kieron on the skid track. Seen here about to flick the back end around the bottom corner.

After the winners ceremony (Kieron came joint 3rd out of about 12 drivers) we headed off home and I went down to my nans as per usual. I took my photo and showed it around (well you would, wouldn't you?) I think my dad was impressed and my nan certainly was.

After a long day, I finally went home to bed...!

Well readers, I am now off to go drinkin' somewhere.

TTFN readers...

poopytrim

The hunt for red _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ?

Hello readers. It's October and time for another blog, methinks. The first thing I have to say is "Happy Birthday" to Lank. I should have mentioned it last time I blogged, but forgot... Sorry. Yes, Mr Thomas is now a quarter of a century old but still retains his youthful looks... Sort of.

Right, on with business.

During the week I had the opportunity to go with the year 10's (again) for another session at Avoncroft museum. I didn't really want to go since I had a list of jobs as long as my arm to be getting on with at Woodrush (the biggest task being clearing the stock-cupboard in the art studio!) But I got the shite-end of the stick and was packed up and shoved in to the minibus. the session was a classroom based activity (which they didn't like) on "Manual Handling" or, basically "how to pick stuff up without giving yourself a hernia" which they managed to spread out over the course of 4 hours. You couldn't blame the kids for getting rowdy because it was boring as hell and I had a job staying awake! Anyway, throughout the course of the day the North Bromsgrove lads started to act up and at lunchtime on of the clan actually had the gaul to break in to one of the workshops and started throwing equipment around! This was going on whilst I was having my lunch and the kiddies were off having theirs. Next think I know, a short fat woman came marching up to me telling me how I wasn't being the responsible member of staff that I should be, and told me the details of the incident. I pointed out to her that one member of staff can't observe the behaviour of 27 kiddies when they are strolling round the museum gardens. I also pointed out that the kiddie involved wasn't under my direct control and that if she wanted me to act like a bouncer, then she can pay me as one. (I wanted to tell her to fuck off and die, but I restrained myself.) I suggested that she phoned North Bromsgrove School and take matters up with them rather than chew my ear off about something that I had no control over.

I couldn't wait for 2:30 when the minibus came and we all headed back to Woodrush. I didn't bother staying long and awarded myself an early clock-off at about 3:15.

So a couple of days later it was the weekend...

The plan was this: Saturday night was going to be a fantastic piss-up in Barracuda.

At 7:00pm Saturday Lank and daniel called round to my house ready to go to the Swan where we were meeting Mark, Benji, and Donna for a few "Pre-Birmingham bevvies" When we got there Jenny and Marcus were already in there, because they were going Bowling with Julia. Mark, Benji, and Donna were soon to follow and we spent a good hour or so drinking before starting the long walk to the Maypole to catch the number 50 bus (bus? what the hell is a bus? Being a motorist, I know-not of this phenomenon!)

We eventually got down to the Maypole and caught the poor excuse for a vehicle of public transport (driven by a poor excuse for a driver of said vehicle) and hopped off at some road (don't ask me which one, I don't know my way round Birmingham during the day, let alone when it's dark!) We walked up past Legs 11 to Barracuda ready to commence an evening of fun and frolics...

... Which we did. When we got there the first thing we did was meet up with Jess and paul, with some of Donna's friends (Vicky and Jo) turning up a bit later.

Throughout the course of the evening, naturaly, there were photos:


Donna, Mark, and Jo looking like true party-people.



This has got to be one of the strangest photo's I have ever taken... lank licking Daniels ear whist Danny-boy looks like he's just swallowed a lemon, soaked in brake-fluid! Honestly, I sometimes worry about those two, I really do.

However. It's not like those two were the only people to do something daft... You know how sometimes i can be a bit of a clot? Well during the evening I managed to:

• Choke on 3 test-tubes of baileys
• trip over the seats
• nearly knock the table over with my foot
• trod on someones foot on the way to the bar
• and tripped up the step coming back!

I felt like a right loon. Anyway, at about 2:00am Jess, Paul, Mark, and Donna left, leaving Me, Lank, Dan, Vicky and Jo dancing like mad-people. We ended up leaving at about 2:30am and left looking for something to eat. Vicky and Jo got some chips and a burger from a cafe across the road before starting the trek to find a taxi. On the way I ended up giving Jo a piggy-back down whatever road we were on which provided 5 minutes of hillarity (and a slightly sore back.)

We ended up getting 2 taxis since the girls needed to go in the opposite direction. I think I got home for just after 3:00am which wasn't to bad. I imediately went straight to bed since I was dead on my feet and ready to pass out. (actually I think i was a sleep as soon as my noggin hit the pillow!)

Which brings us up to date, Dear readers. I am going to sign off now as I have just worked out that I have thrown away Selena's invite list for her 21st Birthday party and am going to help type another one...

TTFN.